..yhs

ive really been.. haha.. kaulaw! bahala na.. ahahaha.. ana man jud na noh!?! hahahaha.. sooo random! haha.. pwede maulaw?!

anyway, never been this good! yebah baby!!! ^^,

im so much better! wee.. ahaha

usus sentio per tu-

i've been trying to kill myself all day, but i didn't manage to make it happen.

though results are yet to come, i can see it clearly, so clear that it sounds so pathetic that i'm still hoping for the other thing to happen. i can't still accept the fact. all throughout the day, i've been hearing, seeing, feeling things that i called to be SIGNOs, things that i should let myself understand inorder for me to accept that there's no such thing as accident and thus, everything happens for a reason and works out with a plan made even before this incident, even before me (rarr!).

i never would like to wait. i hate to wait. but what can i do? i have to wait. it even feels worse to wait for something you know will give you nothing but hopelessness. i just would have to believe like what i've been trying to tell to myself. but now, i always ran out of reasons for my make-believe's for my self.

i feel like a crap. i fell off. i'm sad. i'm pathetic. i'm a sore loser!

good thing that every day ends.

it could've been never

you just don't know what it's like when you try and try and try and try and you still don't get there.

i always thought i could catch up on all things coming and going through me, not until these past days came. it may sound so over-reacting and it may look like im over-thinking things but it's the least you could do when you're too desperate to have something done in your way. though the result has not yet arrived, just having the thought that the negative has dominated the possibility, it may cause you bottomless tears. tiring it is.

always been hoping for the best results to come but always doing the half the way. so how would it coincide when it's not done properly? therefore, regrets come into the scene. they say, it's fine 'cause it's the first time, but i just realized that it could've not happened if, if, and all the if's. it's just that i can see myself so helpless and not knowing what to do, and i could just end up with thinking about nothing and unconsciously i'm making it happen, sad to say.

a time to accept all the things i've done, and the results it brought is what i need most right now. then i'll be back on my track.

laughing-out-loud

     it's been awhile since my family and i watched a movie together. and we did watched a movie this afternoon. it's KIMMY DORA. hahaha.. very funny movie or shall i say, a very good experience indeed. uhmm.. it is because, although it's good, to be honest, there were all these boring scenes, so-called "corny" parts, but i still enjoyed it. the movie was having its up-and-down moments, like funniest part to least-liked comedy scripts, but then it was still as good as i can remember since i haven't heard my mama laugh out that loud lately. we were like having our smiles up to our ears. tsk! it's really a great feeling to laugh with people you want to laugh with.

     this was a totally good day for me (haha)! just to prove how good this day seemed: first, we went to a christening, its baby Benedict's, a real handsome prince. it's my closest ninong's son. they anticipated for this baby very much, that's why it's been a joy and celebration to have this baby benedict in our lives. we attended the mass and heard the vows of the ninongs and ninangs. and finally, the best part (haha.. joke), we went to the reception to have our lunch! weee! when we got to the house of my ninong, i was so like very very hungry, but of course, i managed to have a very good look since my mama wanted us to behave properly, but deep inside, (whew!) i would really like to dive into the table and have every food tasted! so long, the hunger ended when i heard the word "AMEN" (haha), the food was now finally blessed and is ready to be served. hooh! i was looking for a perfect spot to have a very good lunch, but anywhere i look, it wouldn't be comfortable for me since the people around me are those who surrounds me when i was in elementary, they said, " i've grown so tall" , "dalaga", hello?! of course.. it would be more shocking if i am still the grade 6, skinny, short girl they knew.. right?! haha.. but anyway, to continue.. i got this very good spot! i was in front of the LECHON, really in front of the lechon that as when the man chops the lechon, the oil is spilling to my face (hahaha)! sounds eeky but i enjoyed it. i ate and ate and i didn't care if the people around there were counting how many times i was coming back for food. who cares? besides, my ninong told me to eat more and more (madali akong kausap! haha). i was really full that i managed to have myself sitting in the corner and just looking at my mama who was so enjoyed cuddling baby benedict. i asked her if she wants a baby, and she replied: "oo eh..", and i told her: "okay, i'll give you one (ahahah! =)) )" and she answered back: "testingi! i'll kill you!". how sweet.. hahaha.. tough love indeed! since more and more visitors are arriving, mama and vavui decided to go now. we went to the nearest mall and have some walking and strolling. and mama got this idea to watch a movie together, the movie that she's been reading the reviews. and she was very curious how good this movie is, it's the movie i have mentioned earlier. but we were earlier than the screening time that we had the time to take a look around and have a coffee and fries at a cafe. we were laughing with what vavui was writing. he wrote his daily schedule, there were these terms that are very funny when logically analyzed like: 4:15 - 4:30 - coffee with 'libang' (ahahahaha! sorry for the term, it'll be funnier if written like the original..). it's so.. like.. ah! ahaha.. it's just funny! we bursted into laughters when we read that! finally, we went in the cinema and watch the monstrous, funny, undefined movie. i was sitting between my mama andd my sister. i just felt happiness at that moment, though jan-jan bit my arm for no reason at all (cannibal man siguro ni! haha) and laughing at my mama's laughters. her laughter seems to occupy the whole room! haha.. it was very loud (bwahaha!), but the funnier thing about that, was when i caught her rubbing her eyes due to her tears falling (haha!), she is really easily moved by movies. very weird mama.

     this is another family trip i usually crave for. i always want to go out with them whenever i get so entangled with my school-life-obligations. it's like whenever i do have the time, it will not coincide with the schedule of mama and vavui, pretty sad to think, but real joy when the time comes. having fun with them is something i really like because when i'm with them, i feel joy and no worries at all. i wouldn't wish for more. i love these guys!

lovers' roll

               

                having them is one of those that i thank ABOVE for giving me. you can never be too cynical in life when you're with them, is what i can say. laughs, tears, mem'ries and lots of it is what were shared with them, and it wasn't a waste. happiness isn't complete without them.

           though we've come through a lot of up's-and-down's, yet we've still managed to get back together and complete. more than a sisterhood is what our friendship portrays, it's like a scar that you wouldn't wish to be erased. like sniffing a rugby (cheap.. acetone na lang! haha) that could get you high(hahaha! =)) ). it is a great feeling that you have someone who knows exactly who you are, someone who knows you from head to foot. every little bit detail of you, every expression from that face, every word coming out from that mouth, is known to them and is accepted and loved as well. would you still wish for more? yes, of course. it is to have them forever and ever (sobrang cheesy! haha.. sobra pa sa uyaba'y ni part!). dreams were shared with them, worries were submitted to them, and problems were solved with them. there's really no one like them.

            when we're together, we laugh like there's no tomorrow and do foolish, funny acts. haha.. you have no idea how foolish we get. i remember our latest hang-out. we went to a beach and spent the last day of intramurals there (haha!), boredom really causes as unbelievable thoughts. time has really gotten us to each other that we tend to not care as long as we are one and having fun for a while. funny how things get better with them.

            true love is what we offer for each other. together wishing and hoping for the best of each and every one. and i just love everything about them. i rest my case.

 

                

agony in the bukid

it was september of 2006 when i took the entrance exam of my never-been-wished school, Mindanao State University. i just took the entrance exam for the sake of my mama's request. i filled out the form and took the exam just to satisfy the want of my mama and never even thought of the informations i wrote on that form. haha.. i never thought that it'll all be that serious, i am talking about the course choices way back then. i remember the reason why i was writing my first choice, the one i am taking right now, it was all because it looks so tough and it was known all over the university (hahaha.. foolish act! da! gaba! tagam oi!). but then, it was never an issue for me since my mama said that it'll be just 10% that i'll be enrolling to the said school. months have flown so fast, and we received the mail that i passed the exam (of course, or else it'll be a shame.. nyahaha). i never saw it as an option for me to finish my studies, not until when my mama told me that things didn't go her way, causing this to let me study to my hated school at first (*hilak moments.. haha). then, i enrolled to the school i don't like (at first) and got into a course where i never even had a single idea of what it is all about. and this course is, BS in Mechanical Engineering.

 

i clearly remember my first day in msu, i was wearing a pink shirt, jeans, and together with my sandals and red bag. my barkada and i were late since we went to the wrong building. therefore, we had no choice but to ride habal-habal. Funny memoir. it was all because when the driver dropped us to the building where we should suppose attend our first class, it was just steps away from the building where the driver picked us (manggaganchong driver!). our subject then was HISTORY 1. haha.. when i first set my foot at the classroom, i was kinda shocked since it was filled with boys. hahahaha.. later, we found out that we were just 3 girls in our block. i knew that it was a course for men, but i was still shocked. they all looked so scary(hahaha), i was very afraid of those faces back then. i was used with my classmates in highschool who were always clean and really fresh when you look at them. but my new classmates were soo soo soo different. they got beards! hahahaha.. i don't like them.

 

as weeks passed by, i just told myself to enjoy the moment. and it didn't fail me. i learned to love the school and the course in particular because of my classmates. we were like always ecstatically happy, cracking jokes here and there. we were individuals of different cultures, brought-up's, and personalities, but we all did learn to appreciate each and every one of us (chaka na! maalaala mo kaya..). but really, i loved, love, and will love our class. a lot had been changed with regards to my plan and perceptions. and i just later realized, why not try this course. besides, i started  this and time is running and i want to have my dreams at my very eyes as soon as possible. plays, reports, laughters, long walks, exams, transfer of building-to-building, and the two years were just like that.

 

and now, i am on my third year, and things were not like before. this one is now TIGHT, HECTIC, SADISTIC, and TRAUMATIC (funny but true.. haha). i am spending half of the semester depressed since this is the first time that i got shocking results from exams. i got two zero-exams from statistics and probability (tell me how to smile.. haha)!! i never passed the two chapter exams for my subject in statics of rigid bodies. i have no assurance for my thermodynamics since i have no good background for physics and it is my hatest subject since i attended school. and the rest follows. hahaha.. they say that there are two kinds of students who enter the H Building (engineering building) they are: GAHI, students who are studying to have a grade of 1.0; and KUGIHAN, students who are studying to pass the subject. but i tell you, when i entered this building, it may now be classified into three, and the third one is: PANINGTIIL's (dili makaya sa paningkamot), we are the students who study to be able to take the removal (hahahahahaha! =)) ). but still, to look at the brighter side, i am not alone. meaning, there are a lot of students who also fails besides me (ahaha! *evil laugh). but then, i still don't take that as an excuse and i'm now again depressed (na! storya pa!).

 

i always believed that i'm not stupid. i know i'm knowledgeable, so-called "bright" (kasuya lang gud.. haha). but then, i just realized that being a third year engineering student of mindanao state university, being knowledgeable and bright is not enough. you have to be a GENIUS! i don't know how much hope is left for me now, but i'm still taking all the chances to pass all the subjects and get into the top of my dreams. they aren't as far as before, right?! i just got to keep on believing and praying that all my frustrations would still make me happy in the near future.

 

-It ain't over 'til it's over.-

 

for what?!

           first and foremost, why the hell am i here?! hahaha.. anyway.. i give the credit to my very good friend HEARTY for letting me read his blogs and making me jealous for not having one.. ;p secondly, i don't know exactly what i want for writing these things here, for the mean time, i'm just doing this to spoil out the boredom in me.. hope this could help me get into my so called "personal satisfaction".. haha..

           anyway, i'm so much looking forward to this thingy since i've been laughing all along reading my heart's blogs.. ahahahaha.. i know, i'm manolings(sa maka'relate lang.. ble ;p).. and the thing now is, i am here, i will WRITE WHATEVER i want, and i will NEVER CARE of what you guys will think of (sorry, i am not in the mood for making a move for you to appreciate me now. harharness.. ^.^v)

           got to go.. i got a load of exams! or better say, i got a load of BURDEN waiting there!