time has really its own way of sweetening one's memory, and mine might be the perfect illusion.
i don't know. i really don't. i'm just laughing all the way reading my old blogs. (hahaha!) it seemed like it's from ages and ages that i haven't been writing in this blog of mine. i laugh in the way i scribble my thoughts way back then. (hahaha) i laugh by the way i think like the world's getting into its last breath. i laugh because i thought i couldn't surpass those(char!). i laugh because i felt like i was dying at the moment i was writing but luckily, i'm still alive (haha!). to have a look at my self now, i am really better than ever. --,
2009 was the weirdest year of my life SO FAR. there were these first time moments i will be remembering forever. things which made me laugh, frown, burst into tears, drive me insane, and things which made me see the other side of how the planet revolves. it made me knew my self more, my capabilities, my strength, my limitations, my capacity. it's like i was down and then i was up. like i was nothing then suddenly, i was something. and like i was going to give up but then poof! i was so much driven again. a very weird feeling which i can't really express nor find the exact words and its sequence to make it clear to you guys (hahaha). weird weird weird. but nonetheless, it was great. and no, i don't think i had them wasted.
memories are indeed one of the miraculous thing i can ever imagine. i just wonder how they are stored and how they will last. it's something mind-boggling, isn't it? haha! anyway, it's really good to know that things right now aren't as cynical as i was thinking last year. and i do conclude, it's really us who make it happen. it's like when we want the present, we want it to be permanent, no opening of doors for other possibilities, and it should be just the way it is, the original. but the truth is, there's really no such thing as permanent (except for God, of course). maybe.. (it's not maybe.. it's certainly..) certainly, by the time we're in a scene which let us feel like everything is falling apart, we are like losing all our energy and really watch everything to fall apart. and we'll be all messed up thinking on how to make those things back in its original position then. everything will change even how much you want it to stay as it is. even how careful you will put those things back on where it was once. it wouldn't be the same. and we just have to deal with it, we can stay with it or leave it, but at the end, we still all have to live with it.
holding the present wouldn't much of a help for we can't move forward if we'll just stay at the same spot for the rest of our lives. and being afraid of what tomorrow or the future might bring is really normal. i think we just have to prepare our selves, prepared enough for a change, for the betterment of everything. much had really happened, and i believe there's more to happen. so we'll just seat back and relax on how things will evolve including our very selves. 2010 is just another year and another time we'll be looking forward to.
may we all have another time of our lives!^^
