usus sentio per tu-

i've been trying to kill myself all day, but i didn't manage to make it happen.

though results are yet to come, i can see it clearly, so clear that it sounds so pathetic that i'm still hoping for the other thing to happen. i can't still accept the fact. all throughout the day, i've been hearing, seeing, feeling things that i called to be SIGNOs, things that i should let myself understand inorder for me to accept that there's no such thing as accident and thus, everything happens for a reason and works out with a plan made even before this incident, even before me (rarr!).

i never would like to wait. i hate to wait. but what can i do? i have to wait. it even feels worse to wait for something you know will give you nothing but hopelessness. i just would have to believe like what i've been trying to tell to myself. but now, i always ran out of reasons for my make-believe's for my self.

i feel like a crap. i fell off. i'm sad. i'm pathetic. i'm a sore loser!

good thing that every day ends.